Bombs away

SAYREVILLE, NJ--In what Sayreville Board of Education officials called “the smartest
move since incorporating physical education into the curriculum,”
Sayreville War memorial High School announced yesterday that, starting
in September 2011, the mascot will no longer be the Bomber, but rather
a three-eyed fish.

The fish will be nicknamed Leady, after the tons of contamination
leaching out of the ground on the former site of the National Lead
Plant off Chevalier Avenue.

“A Bomber is just too violent, it isn’t what we in Sayreville want to
be known for,” BOE President Margaret Peters said after the vote. “With
the three-eyed fish, we’re staying closer to our roots, to what
Sayreville really is.”

The official Leady logo, designed by SWMHS junior Manny Felciano, was
chosen over Helmut the Moose and Glory, the blazing machine gun.

“The moose, well that just didn’t make sense,” BOE Vice President
Alexander Marzullo said. “And Glory? While I liked the idea, the choice
of a new yellow and black color scheme would complicate things. People
might think we really like Wiz Khalifa. Or Pittsburgh. Let’s be
honest, who likes Pittsburgh?”

Leady’s colors, and now Sayreville’s colors, will be neon green and
blue, according to officials.

For his part, Feliciano said the idea came to him right away.
“It was simple, really. I live over by the wasteland by the Parkway
and, as a kid I used to play there. We’d go fishing in the Raritan and
more often then not my brother and I would catch a fish or two with
three eyes, or an extra fin,” he said. “[Leady] seemed like the
perfect example of what Sayreville was to me.”

The unanimous decision came with very little debate.

BOE member Carl Bowker was the only person to express concern over the
image, but eventually relented anyway.

“Don’t you think people would get the wrong idea about Sayreville
because of this? Sure, bombs are signs of war and evil, but do we
really want the rest of the state to think we’re all radioactive?”

Business Adminsitrator Nancy D’Antonia shushed Bowker with a wave of her
third hand, saying that didn’t matter, war was worse.