MANCHESTER, NH -- If you ask her, Delirious Dreams Bakery Owner Nicole Tolouse has always been known as a bit of a "spitfire" in the world of baking. Her experiments and stunts over the years have earned her renown for her ingenuity as well as hatred for...well, a lot of things.
See the dead baby cupcakes given out for free in front of the abortion clinic.
Or Godzilla made of marzipan with the caption "Is that all you got, Japan?" underneath.
Or the coconut sorbet and chocolate representation of President Barack Obama being sodomized by a Klu Klux Klan member. The last piece earned her some time at the county jail for treason.
"I see my baking and cooking as art. Pure, delicious art. My baking has never been anything but. And, just like in art, you need to break some boundaries sometimes," Tolouse said while she frosted a cake recreation of the lost city of Atlantis.
She envisions her latest creation, though, to be her largest scene yet. Tolouse said that, over the past few months, she has collected angels. She then ground down their wings and will be using the flour for cupcakes to be sold at church bake sales.
Angelcakes, Tolouse said, are "the lightest cupcakes any in the world has ever tasted."
"The angel dust gives them that last...je ne sais quoi that make them the best cupcakes ever."
When questioned about how Tolouse got the angel wings, she remained tight-lipped, offering only "you know Ghostbusters? Kind of like that."
Tolouse expects clergy to object to the cupcakes.
"I'm sure they will. I hope they do. If the invisible beings that do good in my religion were being captured and turned into food, I'd be a little upset, too. Then again, if I believed in invisible beings that do good, I think I'd be a little mad at myself."
When confronted with this apparent contradiction in her own logic, Tolouse shrugged.
"What does it matter. If I say they're made from angels, they're made from angels. All that should matter is that you should give them a try before you complain."
Flashing an angelic smile herself, trestles of auburn hair cascading down to her shoulders, it is hard to believe this baker could be guilty of multiple counts of celestial murder.
"They're sinfully heavenly," Tolouse said. "Chew on that."
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Ornithologist works to help blind
HIGHTSTOWN, NJ -- Polly want a seeing-eye parrot?
The squawks and caws, "Polly want a cracker"s coming from Michael Sampson's Irving Terrace house aren't just the sign of an avid ornithologist, but the hustle and bustle of a new seeing-eye bird facility, the first of its kind in the nation.
"With parrots ability to speak, if you will, it was easy seemed all too obvious to me," Sampson said.
Sampson, whose mother is blind, began working on seeing-eye parrots as a PhD candidate.
"My whole life my mother had dogs, but dogs can't talk. Dogs can't tell you when there is a speeding car that is about to blow a light. I would love it if they could [talk], but they can't. This way, parrots can not only help lead a blind person--while attached to a nifty little leash/vest combo--but also vocally direct them."
The birds are attached by a harness to leashes that Sampson buys at Petsmart. The birds are trained to fly about six feet about people, out of the way of foot traffic that, Sampson said, "pesky" dogs take up room in.
"It allows for smoother pedestrian traffic. Simple as that," Sampson said, adding that his mother, in addition to being able to get around well, also gets compliments on her birds.
"Mother quite enjoys the attention."
Sampson started by attempting to train Amazon parrots, but quickly abandoned the green birds for African Grey Parrots, which according to Sampson and other experts, have a better ability for vocalizing words and are seen as more intelligent.
"I'd like to see Fido be able to tell you to stop, red light," Sampson said with a smug grin on his face.
In total, Sampson has already trained eight birds, which are distributed in pairs. The birds already know commands such as "stop," "go" and "wait you idiot, there's a car coming."
"The last command was tough, it took months for each bird to perfect, but I think it was worth it. Nothing snaps someone's attention to the 'now' better than being called an idiot," the bird lover said.
The first successful pair, Lucy and Desi, have only presented one problem.
"They tend to shit a lot. I haven't quite figured that one out yet."
Sampson said he had started working on plans for a parrot diaper, but no functioning prototype has yet to surface through testing.
"You try strapping a diaper to a bird that has a bite force of around 200psi."
The squawks and caws, "Polly want a cracker"s coming from Michael Sampson's Irving Terrace house aren't just the sign of an avid ornithologist, but the hustle and bustle of a new seeing-eye bird facility, the first of its kind in the nation.
"With parrots ability to speak, if you will, it was easy seemed all too obvious to me," Sampson said.
Sampson, whose mother is blind, began working on seeing-eye parrots as a PhD candidate.
"My whole life my mother had dogs, but dogs can't talk. Dogs can't tell you when there is a speeding car that is about to blow a light. I would love it if they could [talk], but they can't. This way, parrots can not only help lead a blind person--while attached to a nifty little leash/vest combo--but also vocally direct them."
The birds are attached by a harness to leashes that Sampson buys at Petsmart. The birds are trained to fly about six feet about people, out of the way of foot traffic that, Sampson said, "pesky" dogs take up room in.
"It allows for smoother pedestrian traffic. Simple as that," Sampson said, adding that his mother, in addition to being able to get around well, also gets compliments on her birds.
"Mother quite enjoys the attention."
Sampson started by attempting to train Amazon parrots, but quickly abandoned the green birds for African Grey Parrots, which according to Sampson and other experts, have a better ability for vocalizing words and are seen as more intelligent.
"I'd like to see Fido be able to tell you to stop, red light," Sampson said with a smug grin on his face.
In total, Sampson has already trained eight birds, which are distributed in pairs. The birds already know commands such as "stop," "go" and "wait you idiot, there's a car coming."
"The last command was tough, it took months for each bird to perfect, but I think it was worth it. Nothing snaps someone's attention to the 'now' better than being called an idiot," the bird lover said.
The first successful pair, Lucy and Desi, have only presented one problem.
"They tend to shit a lot. I haven't quite figured that one out yet."
Sampson said he had started working on plans for a parrot diaper, but no functioning prototype has yet to surface through testing.
"You try strapping a diaper to a bird that has a bite force of around 200psi."
Monday, July 18, 2011
House arrested for murder
FRANKLIN, NC--Macon County Sheriff Lyle Owens announced today that the Dylan family, reported missing last week after no one showed up for church or their jobs, have been found murdered in their Franklin home.
Owens would not give details pertaining to how the Dylan family--Alex, 45, Margaret, 43, and their son Alex Jr, 18--were killed but the house, 1343 Shadowhorse Lane, has been arrested and charged with the murders.
"There were no clues pointing to any possible suspects," Owens said while he standing in the yard watching chains being wrapped around the house's front porch columns. "No one knows anything, arresting the house was the only logical answer."
All neighbors were questioned, but the only thing that could be determined, Owens said, was that the Dylan family had no known enemies.
"It had to be the house. I mean who could be so soulless as to do something this horrific?" neighbor Maxine Alda said. Her husband agreed.
"This is absolutely outrageous, no human could ever be possible of ever doing like this. Only something soulless, like their house, could."
Sitting on a half-acre of land, the three-bedroom, pale green house had shutters that were "delightful" according to neighbors, and views of the Great Smoky Mountains that were "to die for."
The house will be arraigned at the Macon County Courthouse in Franklin next week.
Owens would not give details pertaining to how the Dylan family--Alex, 45, Margaret, 43, and their son Alex Jr, 18--were killed but the house, 1343 Shadowhorse Lane, has been arrested and charged with the murders.
"There were no clues pointing to any possible suspects," Owens said while he standing in the yard watching chains being wrapped around the house's front porch columns. "No one knows anything, arresting the house was the only logical answer."
All neighbors were questioned, but the only thing that could be determined, Owens said, was that the Dylan family had no known enemies.
"It had to be the house. I mean who could be so soulless as to do something this horrific?" neighbor Maxine Alda said. Her husband agreed.
"This is absolutely outrageous, no human could ever be possible of ever doing like this. Only something soulless, like their house, could."
Sitting on a half-acre of land, the three-bedroom, pale green house had shutters that were "delightful" according to neighbors, and views of the Great Smoky Mountains that were "to die for."
The house will be arraigned at the Macon County Courthouse in Franklin next week.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Parks cleanup plan nixed
BLOOMFIELD, NJ – A two-year project to clean up township parks was quietly shut down last week.
“Who cares? I mean really. They’re parks. Who uses our town’s parks anyway? Drug dealers? Kids going at night to make out? It should be dirty for them,” Mayor Tom Clement said from his home. “I’ve got a yard and it’s hard enough to take care of that. If people want space for their kids to play, they need to get yards.”
The cleanup plan began with former Mayor Sally Hutchins, who, coming from apartments her entire life, felt the township’s parks needed a facelift. When Clement took over, opponents said he ignored the project, relegating it to low-level paper pushers.
While Hutchins had hoped to revitalize the green areas by replacing plants and trees and cracking down on after-hours occurrences such as drug deals, Clement’s only efforts to continue the project took the form of a few Bloomfield Department of Public Works employees with large brooms cleaning the paths in Brookside Park.
“No one really wanted to do anything, and I didn’t want to push them,” Clement said, adding that township employees liked him and he wanted to keep it that way.
Fran Tucker, who was credited by Hutchins with developing the idea was furious with the decision to not do anything.
“This isn’t right. It’s wrong, so wrong,” she said, standing next to a two-foot pile of discarded refuse in Watsessing Park. When she tapped it with her foot for emphasis, a rat scurried out, heading towards the Parkway.
“How can anyone let someone else live like this? How can anyone let children play here?” she said.
When asked these questions Clement merely shrugged.
“As I said, if people want a place for their kids to play, they need to buy homes in Bloomfield that have yards. It doesn’t matter if there aren’t any available. These people who complain need to make it happen themselves. I don’t see why I need to do anything this wasn’t my idea,” Clement said.
“Who cares? I mean really. They’re parks. Who uses our town’s parks anyway? Drug dealers? Kids going at night to make out? It should be dirty for them,” Mayor Tom Clement said from his home. “I’ve got a yard and it’s hard enough to take care of that. If people want space for their kids to play, they need to get yards.”
The cleanup plan began with former Mayor Sally Hutchins, who, coming from apartments her entire life, felt the township’s parks needed a facelift. When Clement took over, opponents said he ignored the project, relegating it to low-level paper pushers.
While Hutchins had hoped to revitalize the green areas by replacing plants and trees and cracking down on after-hours occurrences such as drug deals, Clement’s only efforts to continue the project took the form of a few Bloomfield Department of Public Works employees with large brooms cleaning the paths in Brookside Park.
“No one really wanted to do anything, and I didn’t want to push them,” Clement said, adding that township employees liked him and he wanted to keep it that way.
Fran Tucker, who was credited by Hutchins with developing the idea was furious with the decision to not do anything.
“This isn’t right. It’s wrong, so wrong,” she said, standing next to a two-foot pile of discarded refuse in Watsessing Park. When she tapped it with her foot for emphasis, a rat scurried out, heading towards the Parkway.
“How can anyone let someone else live like this? How can anyone let children play here?” she said.
When asked these questions Clement merely shrugged.
“As I said, if people want a place for their kids to play, they need to buy homes in Bloomfield that have yards. It doesn’t matter if there aren’t any available. These people who complain need to make it happen themselves. I don’t see why I need to do anything this wasn’t my idea,” Clement said.
Moo-velous news for cows
EDINBURG, VA – It was a very moo-ving Township Council meeting in Edinburg last night.
After recently passing a resolution claiming August 1 Edinburg Cow Day, Edinburg officials took it a step further at a recent council meeting by passing a resolution that designated all of August to be Cow Month in the township.
“With so many of our bovine friends around, we felt the need to recognize all of their efforts,” Mayor Timothy Matthews said. “We use them on a daily basis, and we see them, so why not honor them in a way. India does it every day of the year.”
In celebration, there will be a number of special events both geared for and to educate about cows. On August 1, the festivities begin with a Cow Parade down Main Street. All residents are encouraged to bring their bovine friends, Matthews said.
Later in the day, the Shenandoah County Library will host a look-alike contest, awarding prizes to children for their cow costumes. Library Director Kirk Foust said that special prizes will be awarded for those who use real cow pieces as part of their costume.
“I studied art in college, and I’m a big fan of realism. I think it would be good for the local kids to try and come as close as possible to portraying the cows,” Foust said.
At the meeting, only Deputy Mayor Bill Hendricks objected to the resolution. Hendricks, who supported the original Cow Day, felt an entire month was too much.
“It’s one thing to honor them for a day, but after staring at cows even for a few hours, I just want to eat them,” he said at the meeting. “It’s why I can’t raise my own. I’d never make any money, I’d just make them all into hamburgers. They just all look so tasty.”
There were murmurs of agreement in the audience to this statement.
Cow Month will close with a cow spa day, free to all residents’ cattle. The animals will be treated to nail trimmings and gentle massages, provided by trained professionals.
“When we heard all that goes into treating Kobe beef in Japan, we thought why couldn’t our cows have that, too?” Matthews said.
The Cow Day parade will begin at 9a.m.
After recently passing a resolution claiming August 1 Edinburg Cow Day, Edinburg officials took it a step further at a recent council meeting by passing a resolution that designated all of August to be Cow Month in the township.
“With so many of our bovine friends around, we felt the need to recognize all of their efforts,” Mayor Timothy Matthews said. “We use them on a daily basis, and we see them, so why not honor them in a way. India does it every day of the year.”
In celebration, there will be a number of special events both geared for and to educate about cows. On August 1, the festivities begin with a Cow Parade down Main Street. All residents are encouraged to bring their bovine friends, Matthews said.
Later in the day, the Shenandoah County Library will host a look-alike contest, awarding prizes to children for their cow costumes. Library Director Kirk Foust said that special prizes will be awarded for those who use real cow pieces as part of their costume.
“I studied art in college, and I’m a big fan of realism. I think it would be good for the local kids to try and come as close as possible to portraying the cows,” Foust said.
At the meeting, only Deputy Mayor Bill Hendricks objected to the resolution. Hendricks, who supported the original Cow Day, felt an entire month was too much.
“It’s one thing to honor them for a day, but after staring at cows even for a few hours, I just want to eat them,” he said at the meeting. “It’s why I can’t raise my own. I’d never make any money, I’d just make them all into hamburgers. They just all look so tasty.”
There were murmurs of agreement in the audience to this statement.
Cow Month will close with a cow spa day, free to all residents’ cattle. The animals will be treated to nail trimmings and gentle massages, provided by trained professionals.
“When we heard all that goes into treating Kobe beef in Japan, we thought why couldn’t our cows have that, too?” Matthews said.
The Cow Day parade will begin at 9a.m.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Local woman sells life story
PROVIDENCE, RI--Melanie Sharkey thought she had done it all. She had climbed Mount Washington in New Hampshire. She had gone to New York City. She had even gone apple picking in the fall. So when Sharkey, 32, wrote a treatment for the script to her life story, entitled "Oh, What a Life," the Rite Aid clerk felt it was a sure bet to be bought by the biggest of the big Hollywood hot shots.
"With everything I've done, I couldn't imagine how it wouldn't be bought by Spielberg," Sharkey said through her agent, her cousin Sal Mineola. "I've done everything someone from Rhode Island could ever dream of and more. One time I even went to the Mall of America."
After weeks of rejection from the biggest names' agents, Sharkey set her sights on smaller venues.
"I needed my story out there. My story--the story of all 30-something females from Rhode Island--just had to be brought to a bigger audience. A lot more goes on here than you might think," Sharkey said.
Sharkey said she approached a number of local independent filmmakers, all of whom rejected her script.
"It hurt," Sharkey said. "I mean, I understand it may have come out like a horror movie or some really indy black and white thing as opposed to an epic love story with some special effects, but I would've been okay with that."
In the end, Sharkey was able to sell her movie, for a total of eight dollar and a VIP seat at the premiere, to the film production class at Providence's own Mount Pleasant High School.
"I'm excited to see what they do with [the script]," Sharkey said. "They have a lot to work with."
"With everything I've done, I couldn't imagine how it wouldn't be bought by Spielberg," Sharkey said through her agent, her cousin Sal Mineola. "I've done everything someone from Rhode Island could ever dream of and more. One time I even went to the Mall of America."
After weeks of rejection from the biggest names' agents, Sharkey set her sights on smaller venues.
"I needed my story out there. My story--the story of all 30-something females from Rhode Island--just had to be brought to a bigger audience. A lot more goes on here than you might think," Sharkey said.
Sharkey said she approached a number of local independent filmmakers, all of whom rejected her script.
"It hurt," Sharkey said. "I mean, I understand it may have come out like a horror movie or some really indy black and white thing as opposed to an epic love story with some special effects, but I would've been okay with that."
In the end, Sharkey was able to sell her movie, for a total of eight dollar and a VIP seat at the premiere, to the film production class at Providence's own Mount Pleasant High School.
"I'm excited to see what they do with [the script]," Sharkey said. "They have a lot to work with."
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
HS Team fights for cup
JERSEY CITY, NJ-- With their rough and tumble play style, it seemed obvious to the players of the St. Peters Preparatory School's ice hockey team, the Marauders, to challenge the newly-crowned Stanley Cup Champion Boston Bruins to a winner-take-all, street rules match for the Cup.
"We've had to highest number of penalties in the league the past three seasons," Junior defenseman Michael Myles said. "With the way [the Bruins] played to win the cup, we think we could keep up."
"Our goalie even had a fighting major," Myles added.
The team first issued the challenge via Facebook just four days after the cup returned to Boston.
"We wanted them to know we were serious and in today's day and age, that means communicating via Facebook," Head coach James Arroyo said.
Team captain Peter Sanderson first came up with the idea to issue the challenge, Arroyo said. Sanderson was unavailable for comment, as his mother said he was busy meditating to "get in the zone."
Before the match, which is set for August 6 at the Floyd Hall Ice Arena in Montclair, NJ, the players will share a pre-match meal of pasta and spaghetti sauce.
The Bruins are expected to decimate the Marauders.
"We've had to highest number of penalties in the league the past three seasons," Junior defenseman Michael Myles said. "With the way [the Bruins] played to win the cup, we think we could keep up."
"Our goalie even had a fighting major," Myles added.
The team first issued the challenge via Facebook just four days after the cup returned to Boston.
"We wanted them to know we were serious and in today's day and age, that means communicating via Facebook," Head coach James Arroyo said.
Team captain Peter Sanderson first came up with the idea to issue the challenge, Arroyo said. Sanderson was unavailable for comment, as his mother said he was busy meditating to "get in the zone."
Before the match, which is set for August 6 at the Floyd Hall Ice Arena in Montclair, NJ, the players will share a pre-match meal of pasta and spaghetti sauce.
The Bruins are expected to decimate the Marauders.
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